piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
