I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
