I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
