lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
