I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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