The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh god it's open bar.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
