It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i now understand why vodka
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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