just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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