I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
