What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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