Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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