Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
