Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
