how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
