My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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