dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
