Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
its liver damage thursday
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize