can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
