You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
