Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
