youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
