is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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