the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
