Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
