They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
