Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
