sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
