My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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