I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
