My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
