no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
