I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
