The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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