he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I had to cum in my sink.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
