she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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