Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
