fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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