dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
