Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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