I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize