so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
