You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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