Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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