No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
