Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
