You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
