pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
