i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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