she woke up with a sticky ear
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
