Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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