Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
