that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
