Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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