Dual....:-)
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
