u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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