He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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