from now on my penis is your penis
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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