Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
