Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
