I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
