You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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