The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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