So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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