I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
