am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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