She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
