dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
