well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
