was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
