i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
