bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
