I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
