He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
