Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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