I love black thongs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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