This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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