We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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