Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
