The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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