we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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