I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
