I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
