my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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